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Role Playing During Sex

Time to Memorize the Crucial Bedroom Trick All Great Lovers Know

October 20, 2024

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It's been a long week. Work has been stressful, and canceled plans with your buddies mean you haven’t gotten a chance to properly unwind.

Plus, your partner had a super stressful week too, meaning you were shorter with each other than you typically are, and managed to find yourselves bickering over nothing.

Anything and everything that could have gone wrong felt like it did, and now that the clock has struck 6 p.m., you're ready to make a mad dash out the door and to your sofa for a much-needed brewski and nap.

But when you turn the key to your house, prepared to let out a massive sigh and put on some sweats, you notice your partner sitting at your dining room table.

Only they’re not in their normal go-to attire, but instead… dressed up like a sexy waitress. And then you see there are snacks on the table. Your partner stands up and you see that their outfit is completely see-through — and OMG — they’re not wearing any underwear.

“Can I take your order, sir? Won’t you have a seat?”

Turned on yet? While it might seem like the start of a cheesy porno, this kind of scenario is not uncommon for those couples who like to push the envelope — but it is a relatively simple act to develop into your typical sexual routine.

Role playing during sex can be an extremely hot, fun and mind-blowing way to build intimacy and trust with your partner, while also having incredible orgasms.

From how to talk about it and exactly what it is to reasons you might want to try it and some common misconceptions, if you’re intrigued by role playing, here’s our guide to getting it going… tonight:

What Is Role Playing?

In certain movies, television shows and porn videos you may have witnessed couples acting out their sexual fantasies.

You might have also seen it go wrong, where they break character or it gets a little too weird (or awkward) and it kills the sexy momentum that was building.

Just like having sex, role playing can be messy and at times fall flat, and it requires practice (and patience) from both parties to get right.

But before you can even begin to ask for role playing in your sex life, you need to get really clear on what it is exactly.

Sex expert and commentator Colleen Singer puts it like this: “Role playing can take many forms, ranging from living out a secret fantasy, to more elaborate games with actual storylines and costumes. If you’ve been with the same person for a long time, sometimes you just need a little extra fire in the bedroom – and that is OK. One very effective way to do this is role playing.”

While much of role playing does involve some sort of costume, sexy lingerie or some other get-up, role playing can take many forms within your sex life. You could talk with an accent, you could incorporate dirty talk or be more aggressive than you normally would.

The point is that you're challenging your lifelong (or long-term) partner to have sex with someone new and open themselves up enough to try on a different character. The thrill of being with ‘a stranger’ that you actually know and love is very appealing for many couples.

Why Do People Role Play?

You're one of the lucky — and rare — guys if you look at your partner of several years and still find them incredibly attractive, sexy and appealing every single day.

That gotta-have-you chemistry fades for most people over time, especially when adult responsibilities are brought into the relationship, like cohabitation, full-time jobs, and even kids.

Many couples seek different ways of spicing it up, exploring their boundaries and introducing new and exciting way to keep things interesting and, well, sexually successful.

“The one drawback of sleeping with the same person over and over and over again is that it is easy to get stuck in a rut,” Singer says. “Luckily, there are many ways to change things up without going too far outside of your boundaries and comfort zone. From new positions to new places, sex never has to get boring. Role playing is one way to shake it up a bit!”

Another reason that role playing can be a great addition to your sexual toolkit is the way that it can address deeply held sexual fantasies within the confines of an existing relationship. If you have certain kinks or fetishes that you’re used to only accessing from porn videos or in your masturbation fantasies, role playing can be a way for you to live them out with a partner.

Another perk? If either of you is anxious about how you might look in certain positions or afraid to be as dirty as you actually want to be, role playing can be a great way to give yourself the freedom and the liberty to be whoever the hell you want to be. Who doesn’t like being given a free pass to be freaky, after all?

What Are the Benefits of Role Playing During Sex?

In addition to making your sex life more invigorating and rewarding, role playing also has some personal benefits, too.

In fact, if you let yourself think back to what you fantasized when you were a teenager and just starting to become amazed by the very thought of sex — role playing can help you go back to those moments in time when everything was tantalizing.

In many ways, it is those sacred thoughts that you always felt ashamed to admit (even though you shouldn’t have) that actually get your blood pumping, your breath heavier and your body ready for sex.

“There are many benefits of romantic and sexual role playing. Role playing is all about fantasy. Most people have had in their minds a special fantasy that they wished to have enacted but really never confessed to anyone,” Singer says.

As a couple, you can use role playing to celebrate your sexuality and the unique fantasies that make both of you tick.

“Women may have always dreamed of being saved by a knight in shining armor or having hot sex with Zorro. Men on the other hand may be fascinated by exotic dancers, the innocence of a nun, or even being the naughty school boy,” Singer adds.

Really, when we talked to the experts they were pretty much in agreement that as long as both you and your partner are on board and on the same page of what you want to get out of your role-playing adventure, there isn’t a downsize to trying it on for size.

“Experts on sex and relationships often recommend role playing to perk up marriages and add a bit of spice,” says Singer. “There are really no disadvantages when it comes to adding a new idea that will revive a stale relationship, and if this requires some role playing, then couples should certainly explore it!”

Added bonus: “Role playing also helps with communication skills,” Singer notes.

What Are Some Common Role-Play Fantasies?

So you've talked about it, you're ready to try it… but you're both looking at each other with blank faces on what exactly you should dress up as, act out and do?

“Start with simple role play games that sound like fun. Avoid trying heavy games like BDSM right off the bat — work up to that level of intensity as your comfort level increases,” Singer advises.

Not to worry — experts have some steamy ideas for getting the (role playing) party started:

‘Meet’ For the First Time

One of the more fun ways to try role playing is to not only get out of your bedroom but get out of your house, too — by pretending that you’re meeting each other for the first time.

Dress differently than you usually do, splurge for a wig. Come up with a new profession, a separate background and if you're feeling extra inspired, try out a foreign accent. Go through the whole process of meeting each other for the first time: flirt, ask about one another’s history, make jokes.

And if you want, have sex right then and there in the bathroom. You can do the groundwork and your partner can make the move, or vice versa.

An Escort in a Hotel Room

Similar the act above, have your partner pretend they’re an escort for the evening. You can meet at hotel room and go through the whole discussion: This is what’s included, this is what’s not, etc.

Best of all, as Singer notes, breakfast in bed is an option the next morning when you're back to being your true selves again.

Play Professor and Student

More likely than not, you've had a crush on a teacher at some point, where it was high school, college or graduate school.

Or, if you're an instructor of some form, you've likely had a crush on one of your students. It is kind of like a power play, and it makes sense why it is a common fantasy for many people if they’re into domination or submission.

Singer’s suggestion? Go for it! You can choose who wants to be in charge (meaning they’ll serve as the dominant and the teacher) and who wants to listen and learn.

This can be especially helpful for couples who want to work on their sex lives and reach orgasms, because you can really play off of the ‘instructing’ part of the role playing.

RELATED: How to Be Submissive

You can tell your partner exactly where to move their head, how hard to ride you or how hard to suck. All of those details can be part of your um, lesson plan, and you can play them up as much or as little as you would like.

The Stripper

Even if you've been to dozens of bachelor parties and strip clubs in your time, chances are, you've left pretty disappointed. Not only are the women typically not quite your type, but it can feel a little insincere and meaningless when you don't know the person at all, either.

That is why a role playing fantasy involving a stripper might really, really turn you on. Even if your partner isn’t quite the dancer, they don’t need to be. All that’s required is putting on something skimpy to take off, and the right attitude of letting it all go and going for it.

Singer also challenges you — if you dare — to try your own hand at revealing it all. Regardless of your experience or comfort level with stripping, it shows your commitment to their needs by putting yourself out there.

You can also incorporate different moves that ignite your partner’s senses: think ice cubes, feathers, warming lubricants, blindfolding them until you're completely undressed, and more.

On-Camera Porn Stars

There can be something really hot about seeing yourself have sex. Once you get past feeling uncomfortable seeing your body and hearing your voice, you might enjoy — and um, learn from — watching you and your partner go at it.

The key here — to make it as successful and smooth as possible — is to set up the scene. you're not just a couple doing it in front of a camera. You're actors in a porn movie and you're supposed to be over-the-top with your moans, your positions and your happy endings (yep, this is when you can ask your partner to let you give them a facial).

Make sure you're not just paying attention to motion though — you should also be careful with the details of your settings, just like a high-budget porn film would do.

Ensure the lighting is flattering for both of you — and you're not in fluorescent lights that show every dimple, cellulite and beauty mark. Light candles if you need to and figure out how you're going to go from making out to oral sex to intercourse to finishing everything.

Fireman Rescue

Maybe it’s the amount of work that goes into staying in shape so you're strong enough to fight a fire.

Whatever it is, your partner probably finds first-responders pretty attractive, especially if she’s a woman, and for good reason: they are the ones who save lives and are often the ‘Knight in Shining Armor’ types that can make people swoon. There’s a reason for the existence of sexy fireman calendars, after all.

Even if you don’t have a six-pack set of abs and you aren’t able to lift them over your shoulder with ease, you can fake a rescuing scenario that will get their heart racing (and clothes falling off).

Think about your partner standing in the kitchen and calling ‘911’ (a.k.a. — your cell phone) and asking for help because the ‘oven is on fire.’

You can swoop in — in costume, of course — and fix the situation and then turn to your partner seductively and ask them if there are any other fires that need to be tamed — or fanned.

It might seem a little corny (because it is), but it is the kind of role playing that has been classic forever. Why? It is simple, it gets things moving and hey, it probably means having sex on your kitchen countertop.

Massage Therapist

As you already know by now, there is so much more to an enjoyable sex experience than merely getting off.

From the way your partner’s body feels against yours to the scents and the tastes of their fluids to the sounds of their moans — it’s your senses that make your sexual experience go from zero to sixty.

A partner’s touch is often one of the most addicting parts of a relationship, and it transcends beyond the bedroom to hand holding, cuddling on the couch and any other opportunity you have to be closer to one another. Why not play off the simple splendid pleasure of touch and pretend you’re paid to massage people?

The bonus of this is your ability to use oils and lubricants to make it extra sensual. After you finish rubbing their back, you can flip them over for the main event. Or, if you want them to do the kneading and chopping, you can encourage their whole body to get out (and liberate!) your kinks.

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